he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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