fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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