he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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