Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
