"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
