walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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