I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
