just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
