I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
