I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
