I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
