Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
