my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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