i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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