I think my vagina is haunted
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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