I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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