I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
