haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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