It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
