i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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