I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
