im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
