and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
