If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
