Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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