FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
