She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize