wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
