I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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