Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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