the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
