i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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