it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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