woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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