what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
