She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
