Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
