he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize