My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
