Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
