It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do vagina's smell?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
