Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
