im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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