I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I want is dick and wine.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
