Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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