So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize