About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize