I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
