Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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