Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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