so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
