i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
