i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
