Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
