Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
