paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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