apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
