i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
