Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
