So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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