Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
