Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
