By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
