Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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