Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
