I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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