so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
