My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
