yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
