He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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