Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm always down for nudity.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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